


I want to be forgiven

by Queenofthebees



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Clerith Month, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 02:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13044843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: No matter how much she teases him about being her bodyguard and he is just doing his duty protecting her, that was never the reason he did things for her.There is no duty when it comes to Aerith, not to him. It is all willingly given and he would find a way to say it somehow, someday, at the right moment.Day 12: Cosmo Canyon Bonfire





	I want to be forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> Gods.  
> Its been ... 84 years, Well, like seven, since I last wrote a Clerith fic. I am a little rusty but the remake talk is making me return to my first OTP.

He had always thought of Aerith as somebody who was always happy and bubbly. But now, for the second time in as many weeks, he was watching her stare into nothing with a small frown on her face.

He knew that Cosmo Canyon had stirred some sort of sadness in everyone, a reserved feeling of inevitable despair was settling among them. But still, to see Aerith succumb to it too, it tugged at Cloud in a way he was too scared to acknowledge.

He knew he had to speak with her, not just because he had spoken to everyone else and must therefore also speak with her. No matter how much she teases him about being her bodyguard and he is just doing his duty protecting her, that was never the reason he did things for her.

There is no duty when it comes to Aerith, not to him. It is all willingly given and he would find a way to say it somehow, someday, at the right moment.

No, he knew he must speak with her because he wanted to help her. Aerith has helped everyone else in the group, pulled them through moments of despair and anger. She has been a shining light for them all and Cloud wanted so very much for her to be happy again, to give her something back for all the times she has been there for everyone else.

He wanted to speak with her and know just what the Elders have said to her that has made her withdraw in such a way, that has her looking into the flames as though she would not even notice if they were to come and consume her.

He approached her slowly, sitting down by her side and staring into the flames himself as he tries to find out what to say. He never was one for comforting, never had the right words or the nurturing nature. He still remembered how many times he had told Barrett and Tifa that he didn’t care what happened to the planet, to anything or anyone.

But he wants to be here now, wants so much to take the burden from her shoulders and make her happy again.

“I learned a lot. The elders taught me many things, about the Cetra… and the Promised Land.”

Cloud listened, watching her as she ducked her head down, her arms wound tight around her as though I could stop the sob from escaping. When she spoke again, the words were soft, pushing past her trembling lips.

“I’m alone. All alone now.”

“But I’m…” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Because he wants to her to know, needs her to know what she does to him, for him. He needs her to know he wants her to be happy and free. He wants _her_. But he knows now is not the time for the declaration of his feelings so he changed the subject, trying not to be hurt by the fact she barely noticed. “We’re here for you.”

“But I’m the only Cetra.”

“Does that mean we can’t help?”

She said nothing in response, her head turning away again and Cloud wished he knew what else he could say, what else he could do.

 

Weeks later, when he lowered her body into the cold waters of the Forgotten city, he thought of that moment at the Cosmo Candle.

_Could I have prevented this?_

If he had pushed her to speak of her thoughts, if he had gone to her room afterwards to speak and assure her. Could they have found another way, could he have saved her?

It eats away at him over the weeks, burns through his soul until there is nothing but agony left in his dreams and in his heart.

Her memory, her smile and the way he wants so badly to make up for how he had failed her is all that was left to fuel him, push him onwards to victory. It gave him the strength to continue on and defeat Sephiroth. Even though after Sephiroth is gone, he was struck by how little meaning his life had anymore. He couldn’t give Tifa what she wanted, what she deserved. He knew he would only fail her like he had failed Zack and Aerith.

And he plays their moments over and over again in his mind.

_“But I’m…”_

He remains glad that he never finished that sentence at the Cosmo Candle. He already felt guilty enough for letting her down with his unspoken promises, let alone if he had spoken them to her, sealed his betrayal with empty promises that would make her believe in him.

 

And when he sees her again, thrust into the white light and the flowers around them, he feels her hand on his shoulder, the disappointment in himself rising through his body like bile. He doesn’t deserve this, her touch, her gentle kindness.

“I want to be forgiven. More than anything.”

He can feel her smile even without turning to her. Her voice soft, teasing, _loving._

“By who?”


End file.
